THIS REVIEW MIGHT HAVE A FEW SPOILERS!!!
Book title: “My Heart and Other Black Holes”
Author: Jasmine Warga
Publication year: 2015
Number of pages: 320
Amount of stars I gave on Goodreads: 4☆
Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.
Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.
This book was kind of like a sob fest. Feels flying around and emotions running down the pages.
It was a really sweet story that in a way reminded me of Jennifer Niven’s ”All the Bright Places” , but luckily this book had a happy ending (in a way) . So you have Aysel and Roman, two teenagers who see no point in living and think it would be better if they offed themselves. They can’t go through with it alone and so they find each other on a website under Suicide Partners where Roman has put up a small ”advertisement” and Aysel answers him. They agree to die on April 7th.
”You aren’t allowed to die without me,” he whispers.
At first both of them are snappy and careful around each other, but soon start opening up about the things in their life that have brought them to a point in life where suicide is their only answer. A connection grows between them and they start planning the way they die. It soon turns out that Roman feels guilty about her sister’s death and blames himself for not being able to save her and he thinks the only thing he can do is die on the same day as her.
Aysel has had a tough life, her parents split up when she was a toddler and now she feels like an intruder in her mother’s home, where she feels like everyone hates her except Mike, her younger half brother. Aysel’s dad was a troubled man who is now in jail, because he murdered a young teenager, who went into Aysel’s father’s shop and started playing around with his friends. She believes she is just like her dad, full of darkness and afraid she’ll explode one day and hurt everyone around her.
Aysel and Roman try to make it seem like they are really close and hang out a lot, because Roman needs his mother to leave him alone and not pay too much attention to what is going on. Ever since the death of Maddie, his parents have been keeping a close eye on him and it has made his plans a lot harder to come through. Everyone needs to get the impression that they are just friends and not people who are planning to jump of a cliff together and pass on into another place.
”I can’t help but laugh. If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I’m pretty sure Roman is in love with him, too. It’s like a love triangle gone wrong. Or maybe it’s a love triangle gone right: we both get the guy on April 7.”
Aysel starts to realise at some point that she doesn’t want to die, she wants to live and have a future and experience everything, but Roman doesn’t come around. He sees her as a flake and keeps reminding her of their ”pact” . Roman really has a hard time accepting the fact that he, maybe, too doesn’t want to die, but he’s just afraid of letting loose and enjoying life because he thinks he took away his sister’s chance of happiness.
Roman admits that he cares for Aysel and there is something between them, but it is temporary for him and he wants it to be so for her as well. They part on a sour note, but still make plans to get together soon and Aysel hopes she has time to convince Roman of letting the plan go.
Roman however doesn’t want to do that and tries to kill himself earlier than they had planned. Aysel and Roman’s mother go looking for him and later find him in the garage, the car full of exhaust. Later Roman admits in the hospital that he thought he didn’t deserve to die on the same day and in the same way as Maddie did, but didn’t want Aysel to know.
”You didn’t want to,” he says. ”I know you didn’t. And I didn’t want you to. I care about you too much to watch you die. I want you to live, Aysel. So I did it alone because I wanted to save you.”
It was a book that talked about two teenagers who needed help, but were often ignored by the people around them. Teenagers who needed help, but didn’t think they really needed it. Aysel came around and talked to her mom and opened up about the way she felt, about how she had been sad and lonely and her mother admitted to her how she was afraid and blamed herself. Roman hated the idea of talking to a professional, but agreed to do it to Aysel.
It was a story about life and death and about finding a courage inside of you to keep going and make things better. It was dark and well written, I am really impressed with Jasmine Warga.
”He’s no longer the person I want to die with; he’s the person I want to be alive with.”
Check the book out on Goodreads.