Book review: ”Kill the Boy Band”



Book title: “Kill the Boy Band”

Author: Goldy Moldavsky

Publication year:  2016

Number of pages: 320

Format: ebook

Amount of stars I gave on Goodreads: 5☆


From debut author Goldy Moldavsky, the story of four superfan friends whose devotion to their favorite boy band has darkly comical and murderous results.

Okay, so just know from the start that it wasn’t supposed to go like this. All we wanted was to get near The Ruperts, our favorite boy band.

We didn’t mean to kidnap one of the guys. It kind of, sort of happened that way. But now he’s tied up in our hotel room. And the worst part of all, it’s Rupert P. All four members of The Ruperts might have the same first name, but they couldn’t be more different. And Rupert P. is the biggest flop out of the whole group.

We didn’t mean to hold hostage a member of The Ruperts, I swear. At least, I didn’t. We are fans. Okay, superfans who spend all of our free time tweeting about the boys and updating our fan tumblrs. But so what, that’s what you do when you love a group so much it hurts.

How did it get this far? Who knows. I mean midterms are coming up. I really do not have time to go to hell.


I laughed so hard reading this book. It is just the perfect thing for people who love dark humour and have a bit of a sadistic mind.

First let’s talk about the plot- it was great. The whole idea behind how the girls got to the hotel and how they ended up with one of the Ruperts in their room, all tied up, was very well thought out. It showed you just how crazy some girls can be and how much fans are willing to go through for their favourite performers. I could relate to quite a few statements in this book and kind of cringed whenever I saw that I also fit into the crazy category…but don’t we all.

”Boy band fangirls are a species that are more focused, determined, and powerful in large numbers than just about any other group of people I can think of.”

The group of girls was very diverse and intricately written. You have the storyteller, who kept giving people fake names, so to be honest I don’t really know what to tell you her name is. She was the most rational out of the group and thought about calling the police and getting help, but at the end of the day she still cared too much about what her best friend thought and went with the flow. That’s also the reason for why I felt slightly angry with her. Just when I thought that this was not going to be one of those OMG-MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE- KISSED HIM stories…it turned into one. The narrator went to the roof to calm down and as fate would have it, met her favourite ( Rupert K.) on the roof. And then later as well. But what I really liked is that there was an air of mystery there to it, because Sloane (it was one of the names she gave so we’ll use this one from now on) liked to imagine that Rupert K. was always with her and was known for having had hallucinations, so you couldn’t be completely sure that she hadn’t imagined the whole thing, at least for a little while.

Erin, the popular and pretty leader of the group, was just like every other queen B and everyone followed her example. The whole plan for her was to just ”kill the boy band” because of a thing that happened in Dublin, when she went to a concert. I don’t want to slut shame anyone, but it was her fault for doing what she did, but Rupert X. was a total ******** for doing what he did to her and then not even remembering her, like dude, suck it. So you kind of get why Erin was so angry and why she did everything, but it was kind of shady of her to just leave her best friend and Apple out of it all and have them play by her rules. It was pure luck for Erin that Apple knocked Rupert P. out cold and her plan worked out  even better than she could’ve imagined.

”So when I opened the door, Apple was there, just as I’d expected, but she was ou of breath and holding Rupert P.’s ankle in her fist, the rest of him draped on the floor behind her, limp as the sack of coal Santa brings for naughty kids. ”I found one,” she said. ”

Apple was the Chinese adoptee and unfortunately the fat girl of the group so there were a lot of jokes that focused on that fact entirely. I wasn’t that caught up with the whole weight thing, actually I was kind of relieved that there was finally someone in the group who wasn’t all legs and bones. Apple and I share a very big love for food, I mean the girl’s suitcase was full of POPCORN! One thing that you can hold against Apple is that she is very weird. Like I get it, you love Rupert P. and he’s your soulmate, but do you really have to take your shirt off and sit on his lap and then lick his face? No. Then later on in the book Rupert P. has a meltdown and calls Apple some really bad things like for example a beached whale. And it also turned out he was gay, so Apple had a night full of shock and hurt. I felt rather sorry for her at times.

And then there is Isabel, the scary one. She is the girl who runs one of the most popular blogs all about the Ruperts (we find out that one of the reasons for her fame is Griffin, Rupert P.’s bf) and she’ll do anything for a good scoop of gossip or destruction. Isabel is the kind of girl who only lives and breathes her phone and the Internet, she knows a lot of things that nobody else knows and like it was said in the book, knows things about the Ruperts even before they know it. She was the girl who everyone was afraid to stand up to because she was unpredictable and I think a bit unstable. She had a thing for terrorising people and making them feel small. But still I think I liked her better than everyone, because her actions were really just based on the person she was and there wasn’t anything to be done about it really.

Rupert P. didn’t talk that much, but he was funny and mean and I just felt so sorry for him at times, especially when things happened to go a little south for him, may he rest in peace. He freaked out, like one does when kidnapped, and made the whole thing even better. He also helped Sloane understand that Erin had a motive for keeping him tied up.

”Is it money?!” Rupert P. said. ”Is this a ransom?! Are you a Mexican drug cartel?!”

When reading the book I liked how things were lightened up, when it got a little bit too dark. The girls were quite scary and for a while I was like ”Psycho alert!” . It was still hilarious though. When the first part ended then things got real, everything took a murderous turn and  Rupert P. was dead. The girls wanted to believe it was an accident, but after a call Erin made, they knew that it was not. The girls just turned on each other and tried to blame anyone but themselves. Never even considering the option of the murderer being someone they knew, but not one of their own.

”How had I started this day having milk and toast and ended it by stuffing a body into a way-too-flashy sitcase?”

At some point the most rational thing they could do was take Rupert P. to the hotel room where the boy band was staying and make it look like he really did kill himself. That actually ended up really badly, because Rupert X. and Rupert L. were  idiots (let’s get that out of the way) and they thought it would be a great idea to throw Rupert P. off the roof!!!!!! You have no idea how hard I laughed at that part, I might be a sadistic person and messed up and I am sorry, but it was just too funny.

The weird thing is that the girls got away and so did Rupert K. because he really was with Sloane. She tried to confess ,though, a little while later and no one  believed her, there were tons of fans calling and going to the police trying to get the band out of trouble and the cop just thought that Sloane was  another fan telling her crazy story.

The murderer got away as well, like I thought she would. The reason for why she murdered Rupert P. kind of reminded me of the movie ”18-14” , where the murderer wanted to buy his mother a cow…that’s why he murdered people, he just wanted a cow. So in this book the murder motive kind of ended up being stupid like that too, and honestly I never accused her, I don’t know why but I just never thought it would be that obvious (talk about feeling stupid) .

It was a book that got me out of my reading slump and I feel like I could read a thousand books in a day now. It is a book that suits everyone, because it has a lot of great genres mixed together into this one 320 page book.

Now remember everyone, tights can be a lot more versatile than it seems.

Check the book out on Goodreads.


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